(Inspired by the thread that had the group throwing real life corporate lingo at each other, I came up with this bit of D&D inspired insanity. How corporate-speak can recast 4 hours of real-life pointing fingers and accusations of “Killer GM” vs “Stupid Players” into something bland and inoffensive.
If all SEC filings were so easy to decode into D&D adventures, I might actually pay attention to more financial gibberish:)
From the Q3 192 Earnings Statement of the KillnRob Adventuring Company
In Q3 of the year 192, KillnRob took a one time charge of 10,000.00 Gold Pieces due to unfavorable circumstances beyond control by the corporation.
Despite this being forecasted as strictly a one-time-event. The board have put together options to ameliorate any further similar unplanned market conditions in the future from affecting the corporation’s net earnings.
The Corporation has exercised its option to issue dividends of net earnings to shareholders as a way to increase investment in key metrics and to increase head count in corporate synergies.
Player Character Speak:
From the Q3 192 rambling drunken statements of “The Renegades Kill and Rob All” adventuring party “Leader” Theron Steelsword (or is that Steal-sword?)
So, we lost Tran and Uswald and had to book it to town to get their stupid asses rezzed. They wanted cash-on-hand since we hadn’t yet finished paying them for the LAST time we got rezzed.
I told Uswald the next time he got his mates fried by not confirming the dragon had actually left the cavern before attempting to steal its treasure, I was going to leave his stupid ass dead or maybe turn him into a skeleton. He might actually be tolerable if he couldn’t speak as a Skeleton
Had to divvy the remaining money. The wizard needs a new spellbook and the cleric has to pay a fine to his guild after threatening his Father Superior if he didn’t raise Tran and Uswald. With the little money I have left? Well, my plan is to get as stinkin drunk as possible, and then with the couple remaining gold I’ll bamboozle some gullible fools into being henchmen with stories of our glorious victory. Hey.. why you writin thist down?